Looking for me, the ol' Caleb?
These past few years have been uh, interesting, to say the least.
When I moved off to college in the fall of 2012, I didn't know what to expect for my future, really. I was still buzzing off of my free-willed 8-month break-- which was a proper sending-off-- since I finished high school a semester earlier. I asked myself, will my life change? Am I going to change?
Well, I sure did, but very, very gradually. I still debate whether it was for better or worse.
That first year was almost nothing I'd experienced before. Partying, connections, love interests, it was all there. Of course, my Internet activity dropped tremendously. That being said, where there were highs, there were equal lows. Fortunately, being the introverted individual that I am, there was a lot of time for introspection in order to figure everything out. I gathered a lot of insight into myself as a person, from good to bad. Being far away from home only enhanced the experience. Approaching my 20s probably had something to do with it, too.
("Oxcjae Explains His Absence", 27 Jan. 2013, YouTube.)
In spring 2013, half-way into the second semester, I realized that I wasn't satisfied with my degree choice, so I decided to shoot for something closer to home-- literally. The degree I wanted to pursuit wasn't available at my university, so I transferred to one in my home city.
From there, the introspection never stopped, nor did my personal growth. I still lived on-campus, so there was plenty of time for self-reflection between all of the learning, partying, and other interests.
Meanwhile, I drifted away from my youth in the process. Life got the best of me. During the first semester after my transfer, I was nearly convinced that I wasn't any longer interested in producing machinimas. I even typed up an official hiatus announcement and posted it here, on my blogspot, before taking it down a week later out of uncertainty. I definitely lost interest in gaming, though, and have stuck with very few games since (e.g. Team Fortress 2).
Garry's Mod was, for the most part, left behind, hence the lack of "full" machinimas from me since. Every time I play it, I perceive it only as a shell of my past. There's no magic in it for me anymore, it seems. Then again, Gmod is like... 11 years old anyway, so there's that. Sometimes I play with ideas (e.g. "Alien Days"), but they're only abstracts.
Digital art became my replacement hobby, for the most part. I often play with Photoshop by using my amateur photography as a source for editing. Still not sure if I wanna show them off under my alias or professionally, but at least I'm still expressive. (Lord forbid that my real identity is revealed.) Maturity has its upsides and downsides, I guess.
Somehow, I pulled through college, even with all the personal struggles that naturally came along with becoming self-aware. Now, I'm 22 and approaching my graduation in May. I'm a lot more introverted, self-reserved, and philosophical since high school, but in some ways, I'm still a teenager. I just don't show it as much these days. Either way, real life is closing in.
In the end, no matter where I go from here, I'll never forget where I came from. I still occasionally listen to albums I grew up with and think of the rich gaming communities I was a part of. (Shoutouts to Wild's Wild Server, Axl's TFC/TF2, The Yaypit, and The Monastery/Chapel.) Most importantly, my YouTube saga and its outstanding support will continue to have a special place in my memories.
- Caleb/oxcjae.
